"...you don’t need to be physically abused to be in a abusive relationship..."
I was going to write a post like this once the new year started so I had the perfect excuse to begin my ‘clean slate’, but I’m tired of waiting. I want to begin NOW.
These past 6 months have been really tough. In all reality, these past 2.5 years have been. 2017 has been the worst year of my life. I went into this year thinking it was going to be the best year because it is the year I married a man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. That is not the case anymore.
Our relationship was never easy to begin with. What relationship is? Ours was difficult because of choices he made. No matter how badly his choices damaged my trust, I still found myself giving him opportunities because I believed I was placed in his life to help him be a better person. And I did for some time! He stopped drinking, smoking, and hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was so amazed by what my example could do. Yet, I was always the one getting hurt. I saw many red flags and was warned by some people, but I never listened. And maybe this is why I’m being punished with such difficult times, right? I brought this upon myself so I deserve this. WRONG. I’ve been manipulated and guilt-tripped for so long that I was made to believe I was the problem. Or I wasn't good enough. That something was wrong with ME. Let me just say this: someone who ISN’T a manipulator will take responsibility for their own actions and not blame others. You don’t need to be physically abused to be in a abusive relationship.
I’ve learned that I always had the control. I was too naive or too stupid to see it, even gain the courage to do something. It’s never too late to run. I deserve the best in this life. I deserve to be cherished and valued. I deserve to be told the TRUTH.
I wish W. nothing but the best. I pray for him and his health every single day. I hope that he may become the light I know he has within him rather than the darkness he is facing. My job was never to save him. My job now is to fully focus on myself, especially this INNOCENT little babe I’m growing inside of me. This baby is my entire purpose. The reason I can move forward. I know with my entire heart that I will be the best mom. I wish it was a different circumstance, but this baby will never lack of anything. I promise you that.
I share this with you, friends, because so many wish to have my life. If only you knew how many nights I’ve spent, and continue to spend crying, SCREAMING, wishing this wasn’t my life. I wish I knew my worth then, it would have saved me much heartbreak. The important thing is I know it now. I also share this because many girls of all ages follow me. I am here to tell you to NEVER settle for anything less than you deserve. If you are being wronged, it’s not too late to run.
I move forward with my head held high and my heart humbled. I am surrounded by so many people that love and support me.
Much love,
